Grab a cup of coffee - this is a long one and Linda loves coffee.
“I Can Only Imagine” by MercyMe is a favorite song of mine. The recent movie by this title has drawn new attention to the 1999 lyrics written by Bart Millard. I am moved to tears when listening to the words and pondering what it will be like to walk by Jesus’ side – to be in His very presence.
Another thing I can only imagine – that moves me to tears - is the idea of watching thousands upon thousands of women freed from fear and doubt to live fully as Christ intended them to. Currently, there are women sitting in nearly every church in the United States who are handicapped by the secret of abortion in their lives. They feel less than, irreparably marked by their choices and disqualified from working effectively for the Kingdom of God…all because of their abortion(s).
Imagine, one by one, women emerging from dark places to live as beautiful statements of God’s love, grace and mercy to a world that so desperately needs hope, goodness, beauty, and truth.
Imagine, if each of those women reached out to minister to one or two other post-abortive women, who in turn would do the same for yet others. I can only imagine the effect this powerful flood of redeemed souls could have as the stories of loss and renewal make their way to the light of day. I believe we can reach a tipping point where the world can no longer say abortion has no lasting negative impact on women (and men).
Linda’s story is one of many examples. She is a radiant woman - her smile and laughter are infectious. People are drawn to her. She is a force to be reckoned with. It wasn’t always this way. In fact, three years ago, Linda was a different person altogether.
Linda endured a less-than-ideal childhood. Her mom worked hard to provide for the family, as her dad was not a present in her life. Life wasn’t easy. She experienced sexual abuse from several men who she should have been able to trust. While in high school, she became pregnant and skipped class one day to have an abortion. The details of her experience that day make me want to cry. She was scared, but the nurse wouldn’t hold her hand because other girls before Linda had squeezed her hand too hard. Left alone in the procedure room when it was over, she saw evidence of the abortion. She went back to school and called home to tell her mom she wasn’t feeling well. Once home, she closed herself in the bathroom thinking she was going to bleed to death.
Life moved along. She got married, had two children and became a functional alcoholic as she worked with her husband to build a small business in their community. She had no relationship with Jesus or the church, other than owning a well-worn Bible from late mother-in-law. Over the course of 25 years, Linda rarely entered the door of a church other than for the occasional wedding or funeral. She struggled with dark thoughts of finding relief from the turmoil in her soul when glancing at the pills in the medicine cabinet or the gun in the closet.
But, God has such plans for Linda and wasn’t willing to leave her where she was.
First, she started counseling due to a stressful family situation. Little did she know, life was about to change radically. The counselor confronted her drinking. One night, more out of desperation than faith, she prayed she could stop and poured the last of her beer down the drain. That was her last drink to date. Morning dawned and fears of withdrawal were not realized. She attests that God miraculously delivered her from alcoholism.
The counselor focused in on issues she just didn’t want to think about – including the abortion. Linda reflects, “God needed me sober to be able to deal with my abortion.” She started to gather a collection of books and writings about abortion, kept hidden in her home to be read in secret. She walked into a Christian pregnancy center in a neighboring community one day where she and I met for the first time. She had never met a woman like herself – a woman who had an abortion in the past. Oh, the tears that flowed that day! Tears of regret mingled with relief, as she was faced with living proof that she was not the only one to have made such a tragic decision. Linda was terrified people would find out about the abortion, but was compelled to find peace and healing.
And, the floodgates - they started to open.
During this time, Linda was using meeting space in a local church for a group she led in her community. The price was right for the space – it was free – or she would not have been meeting there. She started to feel drawn to attend church, but felt if the pastor knew about her abortion, he would never want her in his church – with all those good people. I encouraged her to speak with him – and prayed he would be like Jesus. Her counselor knew the pastor of the church and also encouraged the conversation. Pastor Jed was stunned by the conversation – by the very thought someone would think they were too bad to be welcome inside his church. He gently reassured she was more than welcome. When Linda timidly entered worship the following Sunday, she sat in the very back pew. Pastor Jed extended such grace. He didn’t push or draw attention to her presence, but communicated clearly (and silently) he was glad to have her.
Over the next several months, Linda enrolled in a post-abortion Bible study at the pregnancy center and attended a Rachel’s Vineyard retreat in a neighboring state. Arrangements were made for her to come into the pregnancy center through the back alley entrance, to avoid the possibility of anyone seeing her. She was committed to attending, but firm she could never tell anyone about the abortion.
Then one day, Linda decided it was time to tell her mother about her abortion – only to find out her mom had known all along. Their relationship went to a whole new level with this secret out in the open.
Linda invited her husband and adult daughter to attend the Memorial Service to remember babies lost to abortion. This was part of the post-abortion Bible study. Also in attendance was Pastor Jed, whose eyes were opened wide to the devastating effect of abortion in the lives of women. Tears flowed that night – tears of regret, but also of release and renewed hope.
Fast forward two years. Linda is now the Executive Director of the Christian pregnancy resource center in her community and facilitates post-abortion Bible studies. She has shared her story in person, in newspaper and on radio. She – member of a Presbyterian church – has worked to bring the largely Catholic Rachel’s Vineyard (RV) retreat system back to our state with the full blessing of the RV organization. Her eyes shine, her mind is clear, and she is on fire for God. Linda is compelled to seek out women like herself – those sitting in dark places of fear, regret and shame – to help them find their new life and freedom in Christ. She is a powerful force for good. No one who knew Linda previously could have imagined she would become this new creation. But, God could – and did.
Now, imagine multiplying Linda by 50,000. 50,000 is the number of women each year, every year, for the past 45 years who experience serious emotional and mental health issues as a result of their abortions. [1] I would argue this includes impact on spiritual health as well.
Imagine if 50,000 women came forward each year to share their stories and to reach out to others who have been impacted. What could happen?
Could it be – a wave of women (and men) would no longer feel disqualified from God’s service and begin to walk fully in the freedom of Christ’s love and forgiveness? Could it be – those in the wave would begin to share the Gospel with an authenticity to change and renew lives? Could it be – we would begin to see the tide of public sentiment and acceptance toward abortion on demand change in our country? Could it be?
I can only imagine. But, I think God can and I think He does.
Looking forward to that day –
Kay
(Linda gave consent for We Are Everywhere to share her story in this blog and on Facebook. She was provided with draft material to review and I bugged her incessantly to make sure she was good with it. Thank you, Linda, for sharing your story. Whenever I forget how big God is, I just have to look at your life and see what He has done!)
[1]https://cradlemyheart.org/wp/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/Not-in-My-Church-white-paper.pdf
