“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words shall never hurt me.”
Remember this sing-song rhyme from childhood? It’s an old phrase originating in the mid-1800’s. I don’t believe it was true then and it certainly is not true now.
Women impacted by abortion know this all too well. Words can wound us, damage our spirits and cut us to the very core.
I have personally experienced careless words spoken to me about abortion by well-meaning, pro-life Christians who have no idea that I had an abortion.
Words like:
What kind of woman would ever do that?
Don’t these women know there are so many families who would love to adopt their babies? Why can’t they just put their babies up for adoption?
Don’t they know there are so many couples who can’t have children?
And, most recently:
Women who do that should be held accountable. They should be prosecuted for pre-meditated murder. Because that is what abortion is, you know.
And that sweet woman was right. Abortion IS pre-meditated murder at its core. Unfortunately, her words held none of the grace exemplified by Jesus as He ministered to all manner of sinners.
I believe this sort of response comes out of the felt need to do something – anything - to express one’s horror at the thought of abortion. It is good that we are repelled and even feel revulsion at the idea of it. Instinctively, those of us who believe in God as Creator know this – the killing of innocent preborn human beings - is so very wrong.
I thank God I have reached a level of healing from my own past abortion which allowed me to hear these words without feeling instant shame, fear, and regret. Instead, it made me feel sad.
It makes me sad to think of the hundreds of women out there who may hear words such as these. Many of them will respond by hiding the secret of their past abortion(s) deeper than ever. They will become more isolated from true fellowship as they fear the reaction of others if their secret is ever revealed.
I am saddened as I consider the unspoken ideas behind these sentiments. I do not think it is a stretch to suggest statements like these insinuate there really is an unforgiveable sin and abortion may just be it. Women who regret past abortion(s) hear the damaging echoes:
There is no hope for me.
Jesus can forgive anything else, but not abortion.
I am all alone – there is no one here I can talk to about this.
I feel sad when I think of the clergy who are not taking the rich opportunity to teach their parishioners the truth about abortion coupled with tones of mercy and grace for those who have been impacted by this particular horror. The Bible tells us that we have all sinned and that we all fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). Somehow it can make us feel better when we compare ourselves to others and think our own sin is less detestable to God. I may have done some bad things, but at least I didn’t have an abortion! Pride and self-righteousness are on display right there. In the New Testament, I read several places where the writer has listed sins from envy to orgies and more in no apparent order of severity (1 Corinthians 6:9-11, Galatians 5:19-21). We are the ones who ‘grade’ sin and consider some to be more deserving of punishment than others. But all sin is equally wrong and creates separation from God (Matthew 5:28-29, Romans 6:23, James 2:10). It is the shed blood of Jesus that provides the possibility of restoration – even if the only sin one ever commits is envy (1 Peter 3:18).
When I heard these most recent words from that sweet little church lady, I did not tell her about my own abortion. It was simply not the right time or place for that. I imagine she would have been horrified and been rendered speechless. (After all, I look like a nice church lady who would never do such a thing!) Instead, I pray for her. I pray she would realize we can never know who has been involved in abortion by looking at them. We can’t know their stories unless they tell us. And they won’t tell us if they do not feel safe doing so. I pray she would be overcome by the realization that she has been saved by grace through faith from an eternity separated from God. I pray that realization would make her want to share that reality with everyone –especially those who may harbor the fear that their sin has been too bad for God to forgive. I pray she would speak with love, mercy and grace to everyone she encounters.
My challenge to you today is to examine your own heart. Ask God to show you places you have indicted others in your mind. Felons, child molesters, traffickers, abortion providers. People from a different political party, those who seem lazy at work, the person who cut you off in traffic this morning. Ask Him to change your heart and to see all humans as He does. Ask Him to season your speech at all times with grace so that you can always speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15-16).
Understand that my challenge to you comes out of my own conviction related to careless words about a variety of issues and people and situations. God has been kind enough to show me my penchant for pointing out the speck in the eyes of others while ignoring the log in my own eye. None of what I am saying comes out of any sense that I have somehow mastered the art of speaking truth in love at all times. To the contrary, I default often to sharp, sarcastic tones in writing and speech that are anything but loving. I hope you hear the sincerity of this confession of mine and that you will join me in trying to do better to image Christ in our interactions with other sinners.
I would love to hear from you if something in my words has resonated with you. Send me a message and I would love to engage (kay@weareeverywhere.life).
Until next time –
Kay
