This is Lisa: beautiful, energetic, blonde with the loveliest British accent. She spills over with joy, peace, and love. It wasn’t always this way.
Life before she took part in the Forgiven and Set Free post-abortion Bible Study at her local pregnancy center was dark. Depression was her constant companion. It clouded every minute of each day. It impacted her physical and mental health, as well as her marriage of 27 years. She had no idea that the cloud following her was in any way related to the abortions so many years in her past.
Lisa was born and raised in England. Her parents divorced when she was just 9 years old. They didn’t attend church, pray or talk about God. She did not ever hear how God loves us and wants relationship with us.
When Lisa was 16 years old, she discovered she was pregnant. Her initial reaction was happiness – she thought she would be having a baby. She told friends her news and then she told her father. He was furious and threw her out of the house. Her boyfriend’s parents told Lisa and her boyfriend it wouldn’t be wise for them to try to have this baby – they couldn’t afford it. His dad made the appointment, drove her to the hospital and paid for the abortion - which took place on an autumn day when Lisa was about 8 weeks pregnant. She remembers the hospital as ‘old, dark and miserable’. She felt sad, nauseated, confused and scared. No counseling was offered. She woke up screaming after the abortion took place - hysterical and trying to get out of the bed. The attendants had to put the bed rails up to contain her. The abortion – which was supposed to allow life to go back to normal – changed her life. The relationship with her boyfriend ended. She didn’t want to talk about the pregnancy or the abortion to anyone. She lied to those who had known about the pregnancy and told them that she really hadn’t been pregnant after all.
Lisa started to make self-destructive choices. She entered a new relationship and, several years down the road, was pregnant once again. This time, she couldn’t get the abortion done quick enough. She drove herself to a well-kept, private facility and paid for the procedure out of her own pocket. Once again, she did not receive any counseling or information about what would be happening. Life had gotten very dark for Lisa.
Shortly after the second abortion, Lisa met an American military man stationed in England and they fell in love. David was a Christian, from an intact family, who lived his faith openly. They married and Lisa told David her ‘nasty secret’ – but didn’t tell anyone else. The shame and unresolved grief from the loss of her first two babies were not dealt with. Issues developed in the marriage and Lisa found that she struggled to parent the two children they had together in a healthy manner.
Years went by and Lisa thought she was surely the only one to have this guilt and shame. She never heard anyone – inside or outside the church – talk about forgiveness related to abortion. She heard comments about abortion from those around her - “I can’t believe someone would do that” - and she resolved to never talk about her abortions. Then, one fall evening, Lisa and David attended a fundraising banquet for the local pregnancy resource clinic. The keynote speaker (Carol Everett) shared her past experience as the owner/operator of several abortion clinics, as well as her personal experience of abortion. This was the first time Lisa heard another woman talk about the pain of abortion and its impact on life. At the end of the banquet, she started to visit with the woman who had invited she and David. That woman was me. I told Lisa about my own past abortion and how that experience had negatively impacted me in so many ways. Lisa started to realize that her past abortions could possibly be the source of some of the difficulty in her own life.She gathered her courage and enrolled in the post-abortion Bible study, scared and unsure. She struggled to make sense of what she had done with a mixture of shame, sadness and guilt. Over the course of the intense 12-week study, the dark weight of bondage began to leave her life bit by bit. She started to feel and act in new ways. The shame, depression and darkness which had clouded her life for over 30 years was slowly replaced by God’s assurance of forgiveness and the realization that she is a treasure to Him. She started to have hope and to believe God had a purpose and a plan for her life. Lisa’s journey was not an easy one. She says that it was necessary, however, to bring her to a place of peace. The Memorial Service at the end of the Bible Study was a defining moment for Lisa. She states that it helped with the healing process and made everything real. She now knows that her babies are real – that they are with God and are awaiting her arrival in Heaven for a reunion. Hallelujah!
Lisa now feels a calling to help others who are gripped with the same fears that she once had. She wants to see women released from their own places of darkness into the light of Christ. Lisa believes strongly that pastors and ministry leaders need to talk about the impact of abortion on men and women. She wants them acknowledge the bondage that can result. She desires to see them reach out and let the post-abortive know that they are loved – by God and by the church.
Lisa is a delightful new creation in Christ. While the reality of her past abortions has not been erased, she now lives in the freedom and fullness of life that Jesus came to provide. This is the gospel at work!
Lisa - thanks for sharing your story. One by one, our stories share the truth of abortion and proclaim the goodness of God.
Until next time -
Kay
